you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
