and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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