what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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