My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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