Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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