***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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