the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
