U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
