I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Randomize