How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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