i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
