i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
