I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
