I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
