he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
