I hate all girls vehemently.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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