they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Randomize
