Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
