I think i sorta joined a cult last night
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
