I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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