Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
