My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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