You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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