i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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