dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
