You really coming over, don't trick.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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