he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
she woke up with a sticky ear
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Randomize
