she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
