Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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