My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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