idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
