ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize