I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
No subtext here. People are naked.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
