Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Randomize
