how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
