I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
My Sexting was not on an AP level
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
