He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
