i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
