You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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