The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
