Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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