don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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