i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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