drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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