ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
