Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
