Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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