She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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