Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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