Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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