drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
