My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
