Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
