New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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