I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
