literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
