Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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