ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Oh god it's open bar.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
