Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
