If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
