If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
