life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
