last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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