I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Hippo gnu deer
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I have fence marks all over my body
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
