Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
