Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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