you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
