Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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