I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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