He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
