Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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