forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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