dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
