I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
