I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
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