The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
