My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
