The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
