I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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