alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
