Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I got inside last night via doggy door
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
