I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I cut my penus on the lid.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
