I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
