it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
