My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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