I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
