Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
