Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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