he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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