I think my fart just growled at me.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
