The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize