butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
