Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
