True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
